Folks, this shit's HILARIOUS. I don't even know how these stories just get dumped on my lap. Here, we see the Ash-West SPED director Alan Chates resign because he was using his dead father's handicapped placard for 8 months to get the primo parking spaces at school. IS THAT NOT HY-STERICAL?
I truly love this. Like, there is no other parking scenario that really could be considered funny. This guy yoinked the spot that many of his students' parents might use. The thing is though, if I was the one who discovered this gem, I'd probably go up to Chates and high five him. That guy's got BALLS. We can't dispute that. That would be like me canvassing for Obama while slipping some Lincolns under the RNC's drawbridge (I mean let's face it, you know they have a legit cobblestoney lair).
Furthermore, I totally wouldn't make this chump resign. Realistically speaking, if they poo-poo him because he's been stealing a handicapped spot over his work as a director, their priorities here are monster whack. Then again, Jeff fuckin LOATHES handicapped spot stealers and puts them on a plane comparable to baby rapists when it comes to judgment. He ran an article a few years back about spot stealers and came up with some ridonkeykong stats, claiming like over 30% of the handicapped placards you see were actually just inherited from a dead relative. My only concern with this would be a severe case of Zombie Karma when the dead finally decide to arise and pillage. I mean personally speaking, my dad would probably fully condone reaping the benefits of his expired placard but others... maybe not so much. World War Z may not be a perdy picture for yous.
But what the fuck? Is this really a huge deal? This is the big news of Ash-West? The sad part is, a fair number of Jeff's readership probably does consider this unavoidably important. Pfff.
Anyway, enjoy. Jeff's articulation is on par with a five-year-old's and his main message is something along the lines of "CHATES IS BAD MAN. BAD MAN PUNISHED."
Ash-West's former special education boss was right to resign
In the letter, Chates said, "I am writing to all of you to tell you how deeply sorry and ashamed I am by my actions."
Chates, who held his position for four years, used the parking placard belonging to his now-deceased father to park in handicapped spaces at his office at Oakmont Regional High School for the last eight months, according to the letter.
He also noted that "my primary embarrassment comes from the fact that I am the district's director of special education/pupil services [I would be cracking up while writing this]. I realize that the public perception is my utter disregard and insensitivity to the community that I have been hired to serve."
In the letter, he asked to be allowed to continue serving the district, but later resigned.
However, after he resigned, the apologetic tone of the letter disappeared.
Instead, Chates told the Sentinel & Enterprise he felt he had been "raked over the coals," by the school system, because they based their decision to accept his resignation on the license-plate incident and not his job performance.
"I resigned in good faith because I thought it was the right thing to do. I wish I'd been judged for my work over four years, but I wasn't, and I think it was a political issue," he said.
He also added, "I have a whole briefcase full of really nice letters, cards I received from parents," Chates, 59, said. "None of that's been recorded."
Superintendent Michael Zapantis did not want to comment on the matter other than to say that Chates made the right decision by resigning.
"I think it was best for the district and himself," Zapantis said.
We couldn't agree more.
Chates' decision to use his dead father's handicapped license plate and to park in a handicapped spot wasn't a one-time indiscretion or infraction.
By his own admission, he parked in the spot illegally for eight months.
Every day that he used the license plate and every time that he parked in a handicapped spot, he was violating the law.
He was also sending a horrendous message to the students he was hired to serve by in essence telling them it's okay to break the law sometimes.
Chates, unfortunately, has no one to blame but himself for this situation, and he was right to resign.
He was being paid $91,520 in his position, according to school district budget figures, and his decision to use the fake license plate and park over and over again in a handicapped spot rightly cost him his job.
We hope that the school district will be able to quickly hire a capable replacement and that school officials will be able to move past this sad chapter in their history.
**EDIT**: This editorial contradicts everything Jeff McMenemy stands for. WHY, you ask?
Jeff LOVES BRITNEY SPEARS. And Britney Spears illegally parks in handicapped spots. I will enlighten you another morn on this adoration. But for now, you'll just have to trust me.
IT'S CHATES, BITCH!